Roses are Red, Violets are Blue

I need some funny poems or quotes to cheer a friend up?

Something inspirational, he's really stressed at the moment.

Public Comments

1. Some inspirational quotes: Aim at perfection in everything, though in most things it is unattainable. However, they who aim at it, and persevere, will come much nearer to it than those whose laziness and despondency make them give it up as unattainable. Lord Chesterfield If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars. Rabindranath Tagore Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose - a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye. Mary Shelley Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best. Henry van Dyke A person should set his goals as early as he can and devote all his energy and talent to getting there. With enough effort, he may achieve it. Or he may find something that is even more rewarding. Walt Disney Just remember, when you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed. Charles Schulz Some funny quotes: 1. Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice. Bill Cosby 2. You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more? Chris Rock 3. Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize, Oh my God... I could be eating a slow learner. Lynda Montgomery 4. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. Groucho Marx 5. I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. Joan Rivers 6. Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just glad to see me ? Mae West 7. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button. Sam Levenson 8. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. Mark Twain 9. The Americans will always do the right thing... after they've exhausted all the alternatives. Winston Churchill 10. If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. Mark Twain
2. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. ~ Anonymous. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. ~ Anonymous. Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them. ~ P. J. O'Rourke. Try http://allfamousquotes.weebly.com/funny-quotes-twitter.html for more funny quotes.
3. here you'll find some great and funny quotes: http://www.quotes-funny.org/ The other teams could make trouble for us if they win I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living
4. I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak. Woody Allen Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, I say, are you going to drink that? Lisa Claymen Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Anonymous There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? Woody Allen If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Flip Wilson
5. I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing. A day without sunshine is like, night. A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no. On the other hand, you have different fingers. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. Some days you're the dog, and some days you're the hydrant. I keep hitting "escape", but I'm still here. ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. A vasectomy means never having to say you're sorry. I have a drinking problem - I can't afford it. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. I may not always be right, but I am never wrong. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. Don't tell me the sky is the limit when we've put footprints on the moon. Politicians and diapers need to be changed regularly, usually for the same reason. Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. A fool is a 37th floor window washer who steps backs to see his work. I tried to put my head together but now my body is falling apart!! I like to reminisce with people I don't know. A penny saved is a government oversight. Birds of a feather flock together, and crap on your car. I can resist everything except temptation. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement . If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody. If you can smile when things go wrong , you have someone in mind to blame it on. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble. Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs.' Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra. Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen. A friend in need is a pest indeed. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time. When everything comes your way you're in the wrong lane. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming train.. Born free, taxed to death. Whether you think you can or can't, you're right. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills? Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon! If you can't convince them, confuse them.. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder! The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker. Someday is not a day of the week Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock. To err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy. The road to success..... Is always under construction. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does milk. In order to get a loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or married to someone else. If ignorance is bliss, then I must be the happiest thingamajig in the whatchamacallit! I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying. [Oscar Wilde] Silence is golden... duck tape is silver. I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers. I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. I know there's other fish in the sea, but I lost my pole when the last one got away from me. By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong. Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery.